The Beautiful Days of Fall

I don’t know about you but Fall is absolutely my favorite time of year. It may get cooler but there is just something about the gorgeous way nature has to bring about a time of rest.

I have thought about moving, to get away from old memories so many times, but then Fall, or Autumn as some like to call it, arrives in all its splendor here in New England and for a short time I remember some of the reasons why I stay.

I do have many memories I would like to erase, bad decisions, bad days, weeks, years, but this time of year, for some reason, helps me to reflect on all the good and gives me a boost of hope that instead of running away from the bad memories, I can replace them with good times, good memories of new found friendships.

It is so hard to get out of our own way sometimes, to not be the harsh judge, jury and executioner of our lives. We definitely have a tendency to be our harshest critique.

That has been me the past couple of years. I took on the total blame, in my head only, of the breakup of my marriage. I do not claim to be free from blame, however, I was not the one that walked out on our family, I wanted to work things out until he walked out the door and then I no longer had any fight left in me to try. That I think is where my guilt really lies. Thinking I did not try hard enough.

Could I have tried harder?

Maybe, but I cannot go back and undo things and I have to remember I am only accountable for my actions as well as I can only control me, how I act and react.

I am choosing to let things go and move on.

I am allowing myself to see the beauty and wonder in the unknown, to explore new adventures and see where it may take me. It is time to really find out who I am and how much I can truly accomplish.

It is time to accept that is is ok to be me and …

I am enough!

Beach Days of Summer

Summer by far is amazing here in New England.

Even though fall, or autumn, depending on where you live, is my all time favorite time of year without competition.

Sumer has some awesome advantages.

It is warm.

The beach is so refreshing.

It is warm.

The flowers are beautiful.

It is warm.

There are fairs and festivals to enjoy.

It is warm.

Yes see when fall arrives, winter is nipping close at its heals and I do not enjoy the cold at all.

I struggle with wanting to move away to somewhere warm, which would hold many advantages aside from the warmth given I am in the are my ex is in with his new wife.

However I know it may not be the best thing for my kids, or maybe it would be since they hardly ever see him anyway and has for most of their lives mentally been an absent parent even for the 22 years we were married.

So the struggle is real for me. I know I am not alone, I know there are so many single moms out there that are single moms and not by their choice but because they chose badly, as I did.

So how did I get here from talking about summer?! Oh yes that is right because before I know it winter will be bringing me down. I really need to find a fun way to spend my winter and enjoy it. Maybe through the eyes of my son? He likes it, he used to love it but he even had a hard time towards the end of last winter.

To complicate things I feel like satan is sitting on my head. Just when things were going good and moving forward my ex lost his job, it affects me because I have no idea when he will be paying alimony and child support and then I found out I need to replace my car. I am pretty sure I cannot get a loan for a car at this point because my credit is shot thanks to the divorce and bills not being paid through it and I am self employed so harder to prove income compiled with the ex not paying his legal financial obligation currently.

Such fun being a single mom.

Actually the mom part is, I love it, the single part I hate.

Lets get back to summer because, well it is almost over.

For today I will enjoy all that I have.

Dollar Shave Club

Let me just begin by saying this is an unsponsored review. I wanted to try out this shave club so I thought I would share my thoughts. IF you choose to try it too and click my link HERE, I will get $5 in my account to use towards future purchases, and for THAT I thank you!

As soon as I opened the box, well I found out I am a FAVORITE MEMBER!! :wink::wink:

Ohhhhhh bathroom reading material, because who does not need interesting stuff to read about while….Finally the good stuff!!My starter kit included:

• Executive razor handle
• Easy Shave Butter
• Calming Body Cleanser
• One Wipe Charlies
• 4pk of Executive Cartridges.

So now down to the nitty gritty…what did I think?

Executive razor handle

• It has a nice grip and is solid feeling. The cartridge release button seems a bit flimsy, we shall see how long it lasts.

Dr. Carver’s Easy Shave Butter

• A very nice smell. I love smells, well let me rephrase that, I love pleasant smells. This does have a peasant smell. I really enjoyed how smooth it made my legs though. I know this product is intended for shaving ones face, I, however do not have face hair. =)

Wanderer Calming Amber Lavender Body Cleanser

• So to begin I am not a huge fan of lavender scented anything, I know call me crazy, but I just am not. That being said I was a bit skeptical to try this but knowing I have 2 kids into grooming in my house the it would not get wasted if I did not like it. Results…I was not crazy about it. I liked how my skin felt, nice and smooth after using but the scent. Just cannot use it.

One Wipe Charlies

• These were fantastic! Just enough scent and just enough moistness to make me feel so clean after a swipe. Enough said.

4pk Executive Cartridges. 

• Can you say 6 blades of sharpness! Wow I needed to be careful to not cut my legs. I may need to change these cartridges for the 4 bladed cartridges, just not needed on my legs and pits. I would guess on a man’s beard they would be amazing for a nice close shave but again I thankfully do not have facial hair.

Final thought:

• A great monthly, or every other month, subscription box.

That is Enough

I love being a mom. It has been my favorite thing for the past 23 years.

Sure there were hard and stressful times…

…like when my oldest had a seizure in the backseat while I was driving.

….or put his hand in the car door as I was shutting it and sliced off the tip of his finger, blood gushing everywhere!

…almost dying, not really though felt like it after very difficult delivery, giving birth to my second child.

…the day my youngest when he was only 3 wandered off and was missing for 20 minutes at a convention with more than 3,000 people, though felt like an eternity!

…oh and then there was the time no one could figure out why my youngest would get so sick whenever he ate anything….yes ANYTHING. That was extremely stressful until the docs figured out he had this very long named condition that in a nutshell whenever he ate his body thought the proteins in the food were a type of virus and would cause him to vomit profusely, become greyish and lethargic. He really looked like he was dying for about 45 minutes, it was horrible. Fun times!

…the numerous sleepless nights of anyone of them being sick, hurt or missing. (Yes missing, my oldest left when he was 16 and for a few days we had no idea where he was. I am pretty sure that is where most of the gray hair I have today came from)

But you know what? I would not change anyone of those memories. They made my children who they are. I think I have some pretty amazing kids.

And the good memories? They far outweigh the stressful ones.

Becoming a single mom though had to be, next to the time my oldest was missing and my youngest wandered off, the most stressful and difficult thing I ever had to face since the day I became a mom. I know many do it, some choose to do it, but not me. I never wanted that. But we adapt. The most difficult part was being away from my kids for hours and hours  because I now having to go to work more than just help the family budget, now I was completely responsible for them financially and it was scary and I was angry. Angry for so many reasons.

It has not been easy, but finally, four years later I have settled into a great job and routine that allows me to be a fulltime Mom here at our home again and financially support us. If you have a desire to do something and you ask and keep asking and searching you will find a way!

I am so thankful for those in my life, but most of all my children. Calling them a blessing is truly an understatement, they are my life.

My ex has moved on, he is remarried and I am sure looking to start a family with his new wife. I work daily at ridding my anger about it. Working through the feelings of him robbing me of my youth and leaving the family he and I created with the intentions of being together forever, not giving me closure by even acknowledging my feelings, though that should not surprise me as our entire 22 years of marriage he hardly ever acknowledged my feelings on anything and did not take responsibility for the affects of his actions, so really nothing has changed and now it is on me to move on, to figure out how to move on and I will.

Summing things up I love being a mom, regardless of the fact I am a single mom, almost 50, but loved by my children, and for now…

That is enough!

Movie Monday: Justice League(2017)

What a movie.

Let me just say I grew up watching Aquaman, Superman, Wonder Woman and Batman, both the cartoon and TV shows along with the Movies, but I truly disliked this movie. I felt like I was watching a bad interpretation of Marvels ‘The Avengers” movie.

About halfway through I got so bored I got up and started dinner.

I was very happy I did not waste my money on taking the kids to see this film in the theatres or to rent it. Thank you Redbox for free rental codes!

If you care to check out their sites please do:

Justice League Facebook Page

Justice League Website

Movie Monday : The Pursuit of Happiness (2006)

I love going to the movies and watching movies that have a feel good storyline, especially when they are based on real-life events.

I saw The Pursuit of Happiness in theatres back in 2006 and again several times since.

I love the overcome your obstacles theme through this in where Chris Gardner does not give up even in the face of assured failure.

What a fantastic role model for his young son to follow and it was too bad his wife could not see past his shortcomings to be there with him to celebrate his success.

My own children unfortunately did not have that type of example with their father, he seemed to always throw in the towel just as he was starting to make headway, almost as if he never really wanted to succeed. I do hope I have been somewhat of a role model for them though as I do my best to be all for them…mom, dad, provider, healer, listener. I work hard and have more than 1 job to support us that are flexible so I can be there for the important things as I always had been as a stay-at-home mom.

2017, looking back, was a pretty rough year for all of us here in this house and I had not even though about how rough until I saw an instagram story from my youngest son reflecting on it and I realized right then how much my children have grown and how amazing they are.

We all have our battles no matter if we are male or female, wealthy or poor, the country we live, black, white or another race, we have problems and trials and they are all relative to each of us. What one person can handle and face with ease another it might cripple but I know that my faith makes me strong and I can handle anything that is thrown my way….eventually. I keep in mind 1 Corinthians 10:13 where God promises to not give us more than we can handle along with a way out when and if that load becomes too burdensome.

I have experienced this first hand on so many occasions. Just as I thought I could not handle anymore, that I am tired and feel defeated a blessing arrives. A friend calls or visits and encourages me, a forgotten rebate shows up in the mail, a friend buys you a new battery for you van that just got zapped by the arctic cold we are experiencing, a friend comes and fixes your dryer and buys you a brand new washer because the one you have is beyond repair are just a few. It never ceases to amaze me how undeserving I am and yet God still seems to watch over me and my children, taking care of our needs.

I guess that is why I truly love movies like this. Chris worked hard, I work hard, he did not give up, it too reminds me I cannot give up, there is just too much at stake.

If you have not seen this movie, or even if you have, see it again and laugh and cry right along with Chris and celebrate his success overand over again!

New Beginnings

I love a fresh start.

A new week, a new month, a new year.

As a mom…self proclaimed Momanista…I love seeing my kids grow and each new year I look back and reflect over the growth of each of them.

My oldest is estranged from me, decisions he has made that force me to not be in his life. But even though I am not in his life that does not lessen the love I have for him and miss him terribly. I do not know the growth that has happened in his life but my prayers are that he is happy, healthy and safe.

My daughter who is 18 is growing into an amazing woman. She will be 19 in February and it is a hard thing for me to think about her being on the cusp of no longer being a teenager.  She has a level head on those beautiful shoulders and is a rock. She excels at whatever she puts her mind to. I look forward to seeing how she soars this year.

My youngest is 13 and will be 14 in 5 days! Oh where has the time gone since he was just a wee little lad?! Being the baby has its advantages and disadvantages all around. For 1 I know I have a tendency to be more lenient with him, he IS the baby after all, but no not really he is not a baby anymore and I need to remember that. He is growing into a fine young man that I could not be more proud of. He has had to make some very difficult decisions over this past year and to say I am proud of what he has stood up for would be a great understatement. I cannot wait to see how he grows this year.

On a personal note I need to refocus some attention back onto me. To be a better me so I can be a better Mom…Momanista…After all it will be a “job” and “title” I will always have.