That is Enough

I love being a mom. It has been my favorite thing for the past 23 years.

Sure there were hard and stressful times…

…like when my oldest had a seizure in the backseat while I was driving.

….or put his hand in the car door as I was shutting it and sliced off the tip of his finger, blood gushing everywhere!

…almost dying, not really though felt like it after very difficult delivery, giving birth to my second child.

…the day my youngest when he was only 3 wandered off and was missing for 20 minutes at a convention with more than 3,000 people, though felt like an eternity!

…oh and then there was the time no one could figure out why my youngest would get so sick whenever he ate anything….yes ANYTHING. That was extremely stressful until the docs figured out he had this very long named condition that in a nutshell whenever he ate his body thought the proteins in the food were a type of virus and would cause him to vomit profusely, become greyish and lethargic. He really looked like he was dying for about 45 minutes, it was horrible. Fun times!

…the numerous sleepless nights of anyone of them being sick, hurt or missing. (Yes missing, my oldest left when he was 16 and for a few days we had no idea where he was. I am pretty sure that is where most of the gray hair I have today came from)

But you know what? I would not change anyone of those memories. They made my children who they are. I think I have some pretty amazing kids.

And the good memories? They far outweigh the stressful ones.

Becoming a single mom though had to be, next to the time my oldest was missing and my youngest wandered off, the most stressful and difficult thing I ever had to face since the day I became a mom. I know many do it, some choose to do it, but not me. I never wanted that. But we adapt. The most difficult part was being away from my kids for hours and hours  because I now having to go to work more than just help the family budget, now I was completely responsible for them financially and it was scary and I was angry. Angry for so many reasons.

It has not been easy, but finally, four years later I have settled into a great job and routine that allows me to be a fulltime Mom here at our home again and financially support us. If you have a desire to do something and you ask and keep asking and searching you will find a way!

I am so thankful for those in my life, but most of all my children. Calling them a blessing is truly an understatement, they are my life.

My ex has moved on, he is remarried and I am sure looking to start a family with his new wife. I work daily at ridding my anger about it. Working through the feelings of him robbing me of my youth and leaving the family he and I created with the intentions of being together forever, not giving me closure by even acknowledging my feelings, though that should not surprise me as our entire 22 years of marriage he hardly ever acknowledged my feelings on anything and did not take responsibility for the affects of his actions, so really nothing has changed and now it is on me to move on, to figure out how to move on and I will.

Summing things up I love being a mom, regardless of the fact I am a single mom, almost 50, but loved by my children, and for now…

That is enough!